OK, so I have been absent. Really absent. No swimming, not much crafting, no writing. Mostly hanging out. That's what happens when you get sick and have to have surgery. The interesting thing about me is that I have to worry for 4 weeks before I actually go the doctor and say : "HEY! You that I pay a freaking fortune to every year just for the privilege of being able to call your direct number? What the hell is wrong?" Then the visits to the specialists start and the daily thoughts that it's deadly-whatever the hell it is. But here I am after 4 weeks of recuperating (who DOES that?) and it's not deadly and I have just been hanging around in a medicated haze. I truly understand why people get hooked on pain killers. I get that isn't life great feeling from just taking one. ONE! How do people take 20 and still function? (Don't push me.) Enough explaining. I'm here now.

No morning mug. If I had had something to drink it would have been in my Citibank mug. Black with gold letters. They gave us 2 when we opened an account. I needed to feel rich this morning so I could imagine escaping Maryland and moving back to Connecticut. Those mugs make me feel rich. And cool. Only I know what's in that account! Let's just say I'm staying in Maryland a wee bit longer. BLAST! Instead of a mug, I'm using my wedding Waterford crystal to drink iced tea. Decaf no less. (Let's PARTY!) What good is wedding crystal if you never use it? Use the shit or your daughters or sons-in law will sell them when you're dead and your lips will have never even been on them!

On the craft front (my version of art which equals "I am an artist" in my mind) I just ordered the Tim Holtz birdcage/bird die cut. I'm a little behind the curve on this. I have been staring at it for so long I thought he would get my telepathic message that I wanted one and he would graciously send me one. Didn't happen. Then i splurged and bought the Pappillon stamp set of his that is too chic for words and goes well with my Waterford iced tea. When they arrive I will make art. Until then, I'm going to segue way into another area. We're going to "words" and dumping the ink for a bit.

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Tell me how excited I am about Big Brother 13? Go ahead. Tell me! Like Halloween, Christmas, my Birthday and my goal weight all at once! YES! In 3 weeks I will be in BB heaven and watching Big Brother After Dark on Showtime. CAN.NOT. HELP. IT. It is the summer tradition and I refuse to give it up. Ever. If they take it off the air, I am holding BB in my house every July through September. I'll just choose the people, lock them up and walk around with my Flip Video 24 hours a day. Seriously, if you love to people watch and are curious about why they do the things they do; say the things they say you must watch Big Brother. It's an addiction like no other (Ok, well the pain killers but I digress). I hope they mix it up a wee bit and don't fill the house with zygotes. Can we have someone over 35 please? Please? That Agrodner person needs to hear me. I'll be including my Big Brother thrill here along with my scrap/stamp everything in the house as the summer arrives and progresses. Oh the joy!

In the meantime, I have had to make do with Bravo's Real Housewives of anywhere. Do I need to call them out (Tamara, Vicky, Peggy, Jill, Kelly, Luann and others who shall remain nameless)? These women make me love my life (except for that having to pretend about the wealth thing with the Citibank mugs). What cocoon have I lived in that has protected me from these..these..aliens? Orange County? I thought they made juice. I had no idea they were spending big bucks, leasing cars, short selling their mansions and creating clothing lines and writing books! I had no idea they were on Twitter talking to us daily. How did I live? How did I have any meaning to my life at all without their fabulous lives playing out on my TV and lulling me to sleep through my hypochondria and fear? Bravo just wrapped up RHOC with 2 reunion shows that were filled with snarling and snarking, yelling and swearing. I LOVED it! Everyone was dressed up like a wealthy escort (hooker) and they wore large jewelry. Seriously, the earrings looked as if they would stretch their ear lobes down to their shoulders and they could make the pages of National Geographic. We saw the bad, the ugly and the filthy, It was a go to hell moment when Tamara (mother of 4) got into a bathtub with her new, younger boyfriend and she's not even divorced yet (Yes, I am that dignified and old fashioned. Get the damned divorce before you get the boyfriend and take off your clothes!) and left a legacy for her children to watch long after her botox has worn off! Jayzuz but it was uncool! Now they are still running RHNJ and RHNY. That's New Jersey and New York to the virgins here. Oh Mama what a bonanza of back biting, $$$ envy, bitch slapping, family squabbling and inventing! Yes, inventing! See some of them have taken things they WEAR and have been on the market for years and re-invented (copied) them with slight changes like some lace here and a bow there.

Or they write a book and travel the country hawking it as if they are Robert Crais or Jodi Picoult who actually write books that sell. A couple of them have genuine businesses and I happen to like those women. They are the cooler, snarky but human ones. The others? Meh. They don't scare me. Nor do they fool me. Watch for updates as the days go by. It's just too much for one person to delight in on one post!

As for my embarrassing (bare assed) hording of papers and inks, I splurged (again) and bought a Cricut Expression 2. I'm sorry. I had to have it. It's still in the box due to body letting me down but you can bet I'm going to whip that baby out and cut shapes and words and paste them into a book and hit the publishing circuit. If these housewife women can throw together recipes from their great grandmothers (who beat clothing against rocks to get them clean) and get them published then I should be able to Cricut my way onto the best seller list. It's only fair to a woman who has to settle for Maryland and dream about Connecticut. Never mind drink out of a free Citibank mug while wearing Nautica Pajamas, earrings and a watch! It's a sickness this crafting thing. A sickness I tell you!